Thoughts and emotions of a prego lady!

So yep, I am 31 weeks pregnant and I feel like I can't get any bigger. But I will, I know, but I don't want to know.

This blog is just going to be a bunch of random things; ranging from my own thoughts to what people have said, and so forth.

First, there is this interesting dichotomy taking place in my life right now. I am either really tiny, or I am huge. Here are the things I have heard from friends, family, and even strangers (if you are someone that has said something to me, please don't be offended as I am not. I am just musing).

• "Wow you are so tiny, when are you gonna get bigger.?"
• "Oh wow, you got really big." (this was followed by what seemed like nervous laughter)
• "You're gonna pop, are you sure you're not carrying twins?"
• "There is just one in there right?"
• "It looks like you've still got a ways to go[after finding out how far along I am]. He's gonna be a tiny little guy."
• "Are you eating enough, you seem small?" (courtesy of a complete stranger)
• "Your belly is so big, it's crazy!"

So pretty much I am either big or tiny. Is it possible to be both? Only in perceptions. As for me and how I feel. . . I FEEL HUGE!!! I feel I am carrying around a house (or I am a house). But I will be honest and say I love looking at pics of myself being pregnant. I feel like I am getting huge, but when I look at my pictures I see a big belly but that is it, I am all belly (in my opinion and few others anyways) if you don't agree, keep that to yourself, please.

Then there is the most amazing thing that is taking place right now. MOVEMENT!! Towards the end of the second trimester to now there is definite movement!! More movement then just flutters. There are kicks, punches, and possible head butts, lol! These are the emotions and thoughts I have had thus far.

• Awe
• Amazement
• Joy
• Tickled (actually tickled, there is one spot just under my ribs on the right side that just makes me giggle when he moves over there.)
• Pain (sometimes those punches and kicks come with a lot of force)
• Creeped out (yes, when I watch my stomach there are times I literally see him push really hard like he is trying to come out of my stomach. Have you seen Alien?)
• Amused
• Irritated (at times when he haves himself a little disco party in there, I would like to sleep, but he is already showing me we work on his time not my time)
• Worried (mostly this past week, his movement decreased for a little bit. Kick counts still good, but there wasn't alot of umph like there was before. So I became concerned, but now he seems back to normal. Another emotion he is just trying to have me realize will be prevalent for the rest of his life.)

Those are just some emotions I can identify. The whole experience to feel him move inside me makes me feel so close to him. There is this bond that just seems unbreakable and strong. Sometimes when he is not moving because he is sleeping I actually miss him. It's weird to explain.

Here are some other things that have gone through mind or have felt.

• I want to be the best I can be for him.
• Protective (because of my job and what I do, there have unfortunately been some threats made to my unborn child. Outwardly I stay calm and handle the situation like I am supposed to, but internally I am ready to pounce! LITERALLY)
• There are things that I thought were so important, that now are just trivial.
  

So that is it so far. I am sure I have left alot out but hey the mind of mother is constantly cycling and emotions are constantly strong. I just want to say I have had a few people that have told me they are sorry that I have had such a rough pregnancy, and I do appreciate that sympathy. However, it's okay. I wouldn't want a re-do. This is Carl and mine's journey. It's the beginning of our relationship and I wouldn't want it any either way. I love him and I am ready to be his mom. I wouldn't trade in the nausea, vomiting, symphysis pubis dysfunction, and even his diagnosis because it's all part of our journey together. I am so excited to meet my little guy, just need to wait nine more weeks!!!!