Change of Plans Part One

Wow, everything I wanted to do or did not want to do as a mother has gone out the window.

That is why this subject will come in parts. Because as motherhood continues I am sure there will be something that I initially thought I would do and it will change.

I have realized my plans will not always be the right plan. Carl is doing a good job letting me know that sometimes he has a better idea. And God is definitely telling me that His plan trumps all other plans.

There are two changes that has happened; pacifiers and work.

Regarding pacifiers I was like, "No way." If he is going to cry it is because he wants something like food, changed, or attention. I didn't like the idea of putting something in his mouth just to get him to stop crying.

Well after eight weeks that plan has changed. Carl likes to suck on things, and using my breast as a pacifier started getting a bit too much. John has been trying to help Carl find his fingers and I was like, "Oh no, not a thumbsucker." But oh well. Then there was his crying. It seemed like not matter what we did he would cry. And I shouldn't really say cry, it's more like a whine. Let me say right now, I love my son. I completely adore him and can't get enough of him. But his cry/whine really gets on my nerves. I used to think that made me a bad mom for thinking this, but I am not. So after some lengthy discussion we decided to get him a pacifier. And oh how I have fallen in love! He doesn't want it all the time. But I have learned that Carl wanted something to suck on because it soothed him. And now I have a happier boy!!! So Carl now has a binkie and the world did not implode on itself!

The second plan that changed is work. I always used to say to myself, "I am not a stay at home type. I will love my kid but I love to work too." I learned something about myself. I am not that person. After just four weeks I could not fathom the idea of leaving him. Every time I thought about June 1st I cried a bit on the inside. How could I go back to work and not see Carl!! Well God must have known I would end up like this. He blessed us abundantly. John got a job by mid-April. A job that replaced what I was bringing in plus a little bit more and his benefits start at the beginning of June!!! So an opportunity presented itself and I took it. After meditating on it I finally made the decision and let my job know on May 21st that I would not be coming back. I am going to miss the kids and the wonderful people I work with, but being a mother to Carl is so amazing!!! So I am going to take this summer and stay at home!!! In September I will revisit the idea of going back to work, but as of right now I am going to stay at home!

There it is, my plans changing. And I know for the next 18 years + my plans will always keep changing. But the changes are rewarding and I am learning so much about myself. So stay tuned for the next change of plans. I don't know when they will happen or what plans they will be. But I know it will happen.