The Nod

In society (well at least in America's society) we all belong to groups. And usually we belong to more than one group. The groups can be based on ethnic origin, religion, politics, likes, or dislikes, etc. Usually we belong to more than one group. There are groups we will always belong in but there are groups that just last for a moment. Like in high school you might have been in the "cool kids" group or the thespian group. And of course if you remember high school the groups were unlimited. We usually refer to such groups as cliques, but I don't like that word. Personally for me it has a negative connotation. And I want to use the word group because it is all inclusive to what I am talking about.

Let me get back on track.

Like I said the groups we belong to can last for just a moment, or we are part of them forever. One group I have entered into now is the Mommy group!!

I didn't need to fill out a membership application. I didn't need to know anyone in the group. What got me into the group was having a baby.

The Mommy group is a permanent group. Even when Carl is off and married with children of his own I will still be in the mommy group.

The interesting part of this Mommy group is all the mommies recognize each other. Obviously it is easy to recognize each other when the kids are with us. But there are other signs. Perhaps the stained shirt or blouse. The stains are not noticeable to the naked eye but to the mommy eye they are there. Another sign could be the awareness that a woman walks around with. The awareness of her surroundings and always taking account of where everything is. There can be numerous signs (signs I am still learning and observing). One sign that is the same in all of us is in the eyes. No not the circles underneath from the lack of sleep. But the love that is in them. It is a love that is deep and forever. It is not that giddy love or that twinkle we have for our husband. It is a love that will last forever and nothing can break it. The eye of a mother changed forever when she looked at her baby for the very first time.

At first none of these signs were obvious to me and as I said I am still learning. And I didn't even know I entered into this forever group. What clued me in was the nod. The nod from other women that let's another woman know that she understands. It is a nod of understanding, encouragement, empathy, and support. The nod is not a nod of judgment and it is not confrontational. It is the salute of respect.

It doesn't matter if we know each other or will never know each other. Mothers nod at each other as a symbol of knowing that this journey is forever. Each of us have different techniques and styles but it doesn't matter. The journey is hard but rewarding. I never knew of this journey or group until I had Carl. At first the nods confused me and I didn't understand. But then I realized these nods were exchanges from mother to a mother. A nod that no other woman would notice or understand until she becomes a mother herself.

So as a new mom I would like to give a nod to all the mothers out there. New mothers, mothers of teenagers, and mothers who are now grandmothers. My nod is a hello. My nod is a thank you for accepting me into this group. And my nod is a nod of encouragement and respect!! Here is to us!!

Change of Plans Part One

Wow, everything I wanted to do or did not want to do as a mother has gone out the window.

That is why this subject will come in parts. Because as motherhood continues I am sure there will be something that I initially thought I would do and it will change.

I have realized my plans will not always be the right plan. Carl is doing a good job letting me know that sometimes he has a better idea. And God is definitely telling me that His plan trumps all other plans.

There are two changes that has happened; pacifiers and work.

Regarding pacifiers I was like, "No way." If he is going to cry it is because he wants something like food, changed, or attention. I didn't like the idea of putting something in his mouth just to get him to stop crying.

Well after eight weeks that plan has changed. Carl likes to suck on things, and using my breast as a pacifier started getting a bit too much. John has been trying to help Carl find his fingers and I was like, "Oh no, not a thumbsucker." But oh well. Then there was his crying. It seemed like not matter what we did he would cry. And I shouldn't really say cry, it's more like a whine. Let me say right now, I love my son. I completely adore him and can't get enough of him. But his cry/whine really gets on my nerves. I used to think that made me a bad mom for thinking this, but I am not. So after some lengthy discussion we decided to get him a pacifier. And oh how I have fallen in love! He doesn't want it all the time. But I have learned that Carl wanted something to suck on because it soothed him. And now I have a happier boy!!! So Carl now has a binkie and the world did not implode on itself!

The second plan that changed is work. I always used to say to myself, "I am not a stay at home type. I will love my kid but I love to work too." I learned something about myself. I am not that person. After just four weeks I could not fathom the idea of leaving him. Every time I thought about June 1st I cried a bit on the inside. How could I go back to work and not see Carl!! Well God must have known I would end up like this. He blessed us abundantly. John got a job by mid-April. A job that replaced what I was bringing in plus a little bit more and his benefits start at the beginning of June!!! So an opportunity presented itself and I took it. After meditating on it I finally made the decision and let my job know on May 21st that I would not be coming back. I am going to miss the kids and the wonderful people I work with, but being a mother to Carl is so amazing!!! So I am going to take this summer and stay at home!!! In September I will revisit the idea of going back to work, but as of right now I am going to stay at home!

There it is, my plans changing. And I know for the next 18 years + my plans will always keep changing. But the changes are rewarding and I am learning so much about myself. So stay tuned for the next change of plans. I don't know when they will happen or what plans they will be. But I know it will happen.

All about the milk!!

This post is dedicated to breastfeeding!! Oh how I love breastfeeding. . . . NOT!

I don't mean to be sarcastic but I am going to say I do have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. It was not what I thought and it always surprises me.

Before I ever got pregnant I knew I was going to breastfeed. The benefits were just far superior to formula. I have nothing against formula because I was given formula and I am pretty phenomenal! :)

After I got pregnant I wanted to learn as much as I could. So I watched my sister in-law she is my breastfeeding superwoman. Kayleen and her girls made it look easy! So I got lots of advice from her and John and I even took a breastfeeding class! I went into breastfeeding with lots of confidence. I was like, "I so got this."

But then I fell, and I fell far and hard. Carl was born and the poor guy couldn't latch on. Let's just say I have a lot going on. But have no fear the wonderful ladies of the St. Vincent's Lactation team came to the rescue. They introduced to us a nipple shield!! Oh, how I fell in love with the nipple shield.

Before we left the hospital though the doctors made sure to freak us out about his jaundice. They wanted me to supplement with formula because his jaundice was so bad. Talk about sending us home in a panic. When we went to our lactation appointment the midwife continued to freak us out. So needless to say that night we made a bottle of formula. There it was. The bottle just taunting me. I was crying and I felt miserable. After a mini-freakout I got myself together and I said, "No!" I will keep nursing him and everything will be okay. We followed up with a pediatrician and sure enough she said he would be fine!! I am so glad I did not give him the formula.

So we survived jaundice and we continued on our happy way. I went through my engorgement period and I survived. But I still noticed we were on the nipple shield. Carl was comfortable and I was like fine. But one day I tried to latch him on with out it and it worked!!!

There we were breastfeeding perfectly. Everything was great! We survived the first six weeks and everything was perfect.

But this is no fairytale. Just this past week it seemed like my milk supply was getting low. Wednesday morning I pumped out a 5 oz. bottle in ten minutes. Thursday afternoon I couldn't pump anything. Carl was eating every hour or less, and it just seemed like he wasn't getting enough. And to be honest my boobs felt empty. I was in panic mode!!! I could not believe I was reaching the end. I again started to cry. I thought everything was finally going to be perfect and this happened. Here it was, the end.

Thanks to facebook I got some amazing encouragement. Saturday morning Jennifer came over and brought me some Mother's Milk Tea (which is super yummy). She talked with me for a bit and I felt super better. So for the weekend I went on a nursing marathon (every two hours), I have been drinking the tea and eating oatmeal.

Needless to say everything is back to normal. Talked to lactation; he is getting enough and my ducts are fine. So who knows what happened. Maybe I was getting to comfortable and my body was like, "Let's freak her out."

So here I am breastfeeding comfortably again, but I am not naive anymore. I know there will be some difficulties too come. Growth spurts, teething, teeth, and whatever else.

Now we just need to get comfortable breastfeeding in public (definitely not as easy as I thought it would be).

The love/hate relationship will continue. Love the benefits and the bonding, hate the complications and the unknown.

So for all you breastfeeding mommas out there you are amazing and I want you to know this. And for all the future mommas breastfeeding is the best but I will not lie to you; it's not easy and can be down right awful at times. But hang in there!!!

Taking the path to discover my roots

I have a strong desire to know my lineage. Doing the research and genealogy was never an interest to me until now. I think having a son now I want to know so I can share with him. Fortunately my husband's aunt conducted all the leg work on his father's side. Because of ancestry.com I have discovered a lot on his mom's side. I just need to pow-wow with his aunts to get more information. As for me my mother's side is easy to research and a lot of it has already been done.

But that is it. My father's side is a struggle and I am hitting road blocks. Tracing my Black roots is difficult because due to slavery names were changed and census information is not necessarily always accurate.

I really would love to know what part of Africa my lineage is from. Thankfully science has come quite a longs ways. We can now send our DNA off and they can tell a lot from a DNA as to where we are from and what our make up is. So I was hoping all I needed to do was swab my cheek and voila all would be revealed. But since science is so complex I found out I cannot swab my cheek to find my African ancestry because that comes from my paternal side. The lady I talked to was so nice because she said, "All you need to do is have your father, brother, or a paternal uncle take the test." Unfortunately she did not know my situation.

After I hung up the phone I cried. What she did not know is that was not as simple as it sounded. When it comes to biology I don't know who my father is. I know who my Dad is, he is amazing and I love him to death. But at the age of 13 I got earth shattering news. The man I had met and come to love was not my biological father. But because my Dad is an amazing person he did not care what a test said and he continued being my Dad.

So here I am at the age of 25 still asking, "Where do I come from?" I stand at this path and I ask myself do I want to go down it? Do I want to go through the pain?

The answer is I do. Because at the end of the path is answers and in a sense there will be sense of completeness for me.

As is I start down this path I know it will be long and it will take time due to money and science. But I am full of anticipation to what waits for me along this journey. So here I go. . . .

To Grandmother's House We Go!

This weekend Carl got to meet his Grandma!! We ventured and took the 5 hour drive to John Day by the teeth and owned it!!!

This was a long trip for Carl, but he did okay. He definitely got cranky on the way back but on the way there he was an angel. He slept most of the time which actually worked out great because he was so alert for his visit.

The visit was even more amazing because John's mom was having a good day! She was alert and recognized John. She even seemed happy to see Baby Carl. And of course John was able to get his Mom to laugh. I am just so happy that we were able to make this memory. I was able to get some pictures for Carl's book.

Turns out Carl was quite a little celebrity in John Day. Many people were excited to meet him and are excited to have another Carl (his great-grandpa went by Carl). As Carl's mom it was so amazing to see how many people love him and care about him. He is going to have an amazing support system in his life!!! I am just so excited to share with Carl his family history as he gets older.

1st Mother's Day!!

Mother's Day was amazing!! I am a MOM!! And I have a son!!! It just was so amazing to hold my son and really think about how I am his mom and will be the rest of his life. I am the one that holds him when he wants to be held. I am the one that feeds him when he is hungry. I am the one that he sees when he wakes up. I am the one he sees when he falls asleep. I will be the one that kisses his hurts away. I will be the one that he will get mad at, but will be there when he is no longer mad. I will be the one that will love him no matter what!!


So what I did I do for my first Mother's Day?

Went to church and got to witness my dear friend Timisha baptize her little girl!!! After church John and I went to the waffle shack and enjoyed my favorite waffle (peanut butter and sausage, YUM!!) Then I went to lunch with Timisha for a Mother's Day lunch! Came home took a nap. Then my hubby took me to Newport Bay (YUM!!)

The best part about the day? Coming home and laying down with my little boy!!!

GRADUATED!!!

WOOT WOOT!! After almost four long years and a major change I have graduated from college!! On Saturday, May 8th I graduated from Warner Pacific College receiving a Bachelor's of Science in Human Development.


After hundreds of papers, a few dozen all nighters, and a lot of take-out my college journey is done (for now). I met some amazing people along the way, and have made a lot of new friends that I know I will keep for a lifetime. There is nothing I would trade for what I have experienced the last few years. And I really have to thank my husband! He was so supportive, patient, loving, and encouraging through the whole process. Now that it is over I am excited to start making dinners again. :) And I also would like to thank my little boy. I know he is too young to understand right now, but he inspired me to finish. After having him I finished the last month with the motivation of completing to provide better things for him. Looking at him makes me want to do the best in life!! I love you guys!!

Now that I have graduated what are my plans? Well as of right now I am going to just hang out with my little boy! I have decided to just relax this summer. In the fall I will venture out and see what is out there. Ideally I would like to work for DHS. But for right now I am just going to focus on my family.

Update on Carl's Diagnosis

Carl saw the pediatric neurosurgeon back on the 7th of May. It was a follow up appointment for the CT Scan. Dr. Wheby saw nothing of concern in his CT Scan!! She told me she is not worried and therefore I should not worry. His measurements are great. His head is still in the 50th percentile and he is reaching his developmental milestones on time. She will wants to see him back in August just to remeasure his head and take a look at him.

So we just want to say PRAISE GOD!!! He is the Healer and Comforter!! We are so thankful for all of your prayers!

(Just click on the title to read our post back on January 12th to read on his diagnosis)

Already a month?

Carl is a month old!! Seriously, a month old!

The past month has been super exciting and has been quite a learning experience.

I have learned that everything I thought I would do or be as a mother has been thrown out the window. I knew nothing and I am now learning somethings. And who is my teacher? My Baby Carl. He is teaching me how to be his mom. As soon as I realized that things became easier.

You see I am a perfectionist and an overachiever so I wanted to be the all out perfect mom. What that meant to me was; breastfeeding would come naturally, and I would love every second.

HAHAHA!! Yeah right. Breastfeeding is amazing, but it has not come without assistance. I never took into account that I might be too much for my baby. Thank God for nipple shields. I have heard nipple shields get a bad rap, but who cares. It is working for us and frankly he could stay on it until he's 12! LOL! But seriously it has helped tremendously and as he gets bigger it's a bit easier for him

Now loving every second of motherhood has not quite happened either. I get tired and I have realized that is okay. I like going on runs and to school without him, and I have learned that is okay.

The biggest lesson I have learned thus far is I cannot compare myself to other mothers. Why? Because they are not Carl's mom. I am. Loving him, listening to him, and being there for him is all I need to do.


Before I end this post, let me share with you what has been fascinating for me and John this first month.

1. His poop! The noises it makes is quite hilarious. We are just fascinated by how loud and how much he can poop. I am sure in time the novelty will wear thin on us.

2. His pee! He is a pee monster! There are days that every time we go to change him he will pee on his face or us. And the distance his pee has is pretty amazing!

3. Watching him sleep. He does not like to be swaddled he stretches and stretches until he get's himself out of it. Afterwards he is perfectly content and likes to put his hands over his face. He just makes the most adorable faces and poses when he sleeps.

4. Tummy time. He works really hard to lift his head and in the process his back legs will lift up too, so essentially he looks like he is break dancing!

5. He is smart! He is great at distinguishing who Mommy is and who Daddy is. He knows how Mommy feeds him, so when I am at school he does a great job taking a bottle from Daddy. But taking a bottle from Mommy is out of the question. He gives me a weird look then turns his face into my chest. His face says, "Give me the boobie!"

So the first month has passed. He is getting big and developing quite a personality!
The journey ahead of us is going to be amazing and I know I just need to buckle up and enjoy the ride!!

Welcome Mr. Carl

John Carlton Driskill IV was born March 26h, 2010!!

To set everyone on the record, we will be calling him Carl. Deciding what to call him was the dilemma since finding out we were having a boy. We already knew if we were having a boy we would name him after John. Then the next step was figuring out what to call him. John is John and for those of you that do not know this he is also known as JC. Growing up he was called JC because his Dad was John. So I decided I did not want to call our son John, and John said no initials. So that left his middle name. We sat with this for awhile because we did quite know yet. Then John's Aunt Linda sent out a book of the whole family genealogy. I found it quite interesting to read on my husband's family. In the book there are quite a few pictures. There is one particular picture in there of John's grandfather, John Carlton the first who went by Carl (who died before John/JC was born), as soon as I saw it I knew instantly that our son would be called Carl just like his great-grandfather.

So here I present to you Carl!

Born: March 26th, 2010
@ 5:29 pm
Weight: 6lbs 5 oz
Length: 19.75 in.

Now for the story.

If you remember my previous post "I Will Survive" I talked about being put on bed rest for Gestational Hypertension. So that is what I did, rested. My doctor wanted to see me that Thursday so it had only been a couple of days. As we were leaving for the appointment John asked if we should bring the bags. I said, "No this is just a follow up for my blood pressure and NST. And since I have been down for the last few days everything will be fine."

Boy oh boy was I wrong. After the NST Dr. Martinez-Poyer (amazing doctor by the way) was like I am going to send you across the street (St. Vincent's) and we're going to get you started to have this baby. So there it was; anything else that needed to be done would have to wait. There was not much longer before I would no longer just be Aimee, a wife-daughter-sister, I would Aimee a mother then a wife-daughter-sister.

So we went straight in, skipped past all the triage waiting stuff, and into our room. They started the inducement process around 11 am (I won't go into details about what they did). By midnight I was in active labor. My doctor came in around 8 am and broke my water (that was an interesting feeling). He checked in with me and I was still going with natural childbirth, after all I had been surviving for the past eight hours. Well. . . around 9 am I demanded an epidural. Do I regret it? No, tried natural it was painful. God created amazing people that developed amazing medicine.

After the epidural I was able to get some rest and everything moved quickly. By 4:20 I started pushing and at 5:29 Mr. Carl made his entrance. The emotions were so overwhelming. I cried, I laughed, and I praised God. The most amazing part was that first look at him. Every image I had imagined was shattered by the perfectness I saw. No image I could have made up would compare to God's creation. There he was Carl, my son. For the rest of my life my son. I his mother. As soon as they laid him on my chest he stopped crying and we just looked at each other. Nothing will ever make me forget that moment. The love I have for him is unexplainable. I have never felt this type of love.

Through out the whole labor and delivery John was right by side. Giving me words of encouragement. The look on his face when he saw his son was amazing. I do not know the exact emotions that he felt but at that moment we entered into parenthood together. Our love grew deeper that day.

And now we enter into a whole new journey.

I Will Survive? Yes. . .

Well here I am, sitting, here. Sitting and laying here I must stay. I have been put on restricted bed-rest! Oh joy!

So here is the lowdown. This whole pregnancy I have had the epitome of perfect blood pressure and health. Seriously my blood pressure was always down in the 120's. Then the past week and a half my blood pressure decided to start being not so nice. No worries, nothing above 160. But in the high 140's. Since I have an amazing doctor he discussed some concern of preeclampsia. He knows my body and health so the increase in blood pressure had him slightly concerned. Hours at work were reduced, instead of 40 hours a week I was going to work 30 hours. No big deal, I actually enjoyed it. However I noticed this past week I was feeling dizzy and lightheaded, nothing abnormal for pregnancy, but slightly annoying. Kept track of my blood pressure and noted it to be in the 140's. On Saturday I saw nice little floating spots in front of my eyes, oh great.

On Monday I saw my doctor and told him what was going on and of course my blood pressure at the office was not good. So he sent me to the hospital to do some tests for preeclampsia. Well my blood pressure wouldn't stabilize so they decided to admit me. The plan was to continue testing and if I came back as preeclamptic they would induce me. I of course was nervous, but John of course was excited. He is definitely ready to meet our son.

Well after a long day and night of peeing into a large container, that's right they collected all my accumulated pee from 12 hours, it came back that I am not preeclamptic. But I am walking the line, got diagnosed with gestational hypertension. So they sent me home where I have to stay on bed-rest until my 39th week. If I have not gone into labor on my own by the 39th week they will induce.

So even though the situation is not ideal it's just a short amount of time until we get to meet Baby Carl. To give you a quick update on Baby Carl; he is doing great. He is weighing in at 6 lbs. 9 oz. and he is in the position he needs to be to come out. I am dilated at 2 and there is effacement going on (don't remember the number). So maybe he will come on his own!!

In the meantime what will I do to survive the next week and a half in bed? Here is the list I have compiled:

Finish Thank You Notes
Do as much homework as possible
Go through a stack of paperwork that has been waiting for me
Watch The Office series consecutively
And try not to lose my mind.

If anyone has other ideas, just shoot them my way!

Feeling Accomplished

Over the last few days I have been a purchasing and cleaning machine!! My bathroom is probably the cleanest it has ever been, out of all the bathrooms that I have owned or rented, this by far is the cleanest. And I have been turning my hubby into a cleaning machine too. He was even sweet enough to go and take Lola to get detailed. After I saw it I said, "Yep I can bring a baby home in this." Haha, what is wrong with me? LOL! Over the last few days we have bought a lot too, but leave it to me to go and find the deals. I must say I am impressed with our savvy shopping.

But as the time is approaching I feel accomplished. There are still a few things that I want done before Baby Carl gets here, but at this moment if he decided to make a surprise appearance I would be okay with that. (Don't get any ideas Carl!)

I had my weekly check up today. As usual Carl is bouncing all over the place when they are trying to do the NST. I find it rather amusing. I love getting a glimpse of his personality. They told me my weight is good and healthy. I find it rather funny everyone says I look good but at this moment I feel huge. I tried to convince the doctor there was something wrong with my cankle situation and there had to be something they could do. Nope, nothing. The elevation and water is all they can recommend but the Doc said those methods don't necessarily work for every woman. I guess I am not an every woman. But by the end of this appointment I still felt an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment. I am at 1 cm!! I know that is nothing, but to me that tells me my "girl stuff" and Carl are doing what they are supposed to be doing.

This is all for now. To tide you over to next time below is a pic of my hugeness. :)

Is it time yet?

Is it time yet? LOL! No, not yet. But I have come to the conclusion I cannot get any bigger! And the swelling is horrendous. I drink massive amounts of water, I ice, I elevate, but nothing works!! I hope after I have the baby the swelling will go away. And I have decided there are not enough hours in the day. I feel like there is so much I need to do before he gets here. The scary part is I have an intuition that he is going to get here sooner than I think. We’ll see how my appointment goes on Monday.
Speaking of appointments we met with Dr. Wehby back on Wednesday (the pediatric neurosurgeon). John and I absolutely love her. She has a presence about her that is very relaxing and calming. And she has an accent that originates from Texas. So her personality and how she talked to us just set us at ease. She is not concerned about Baby Carl. Matter of fact she doesn’t really pay attention to mm measurements because she says everyone’s brains are different. This is something John pointed out at the beginning back in November with the first initial visit. Dr. Wehby talked to us about what she will do. After Baby Carl is born she will come to the hospital and check him out. He will need to get a cat scan. My initial worry was right after his birth they would whisk him away to run tests. She said the tests would most likely be conducted the next day or later that day. The only reason he would be whisked away is if there was something wrong. She said at this time it does not sound like he needs a shunt. She still discussed what that would entail if he did though. I was rather shocked to find out that it’s not that invasive and if he did need a shunt he would have it for the rest of his life but there would be no hindrances. He would still carry out a normal healthy life. So at this time it definitely seems like Baby Carl is going to be okay. He is in the care of some amazing people, (Dr. Martinez-Poyer, Dr. Wehby, and of course me and John, lol).
So I am now 36 weeks!! Baby Carl will be joining us soon!! I will have a post shortly after this to show you my belly!!

Ultrasound pics from 2/22

Look at my lips!!!

Gettin big!!

And of course, John's favorite pic. . .

Update on Baby Carl!!

The update is here. The doctor’s appointment on February 22nd has come and gone. First and foremost I want to thank you all for the prayers and encouragement for Baby Carl. This child truly is loved by so many and I can’t wait for him to meet everyone and feel that love surround him every day of his life.

I want to say I felt little to no anxiety right before the appointment. God really gave us peace knowing that no matter what the doctor was going to say that it is Him that decides all things. So this appointment wasn’t filled with foreboding or doom. The appointment held excitement for me because I got to see him. Baby Carl is getting big!! He weighed approximately 4 lbs and 12 oz. and we still got six weeks to go!! Our Dr. says he is definitely at a healthy size.

Then the real reason for our visit became the focus. Baby Carl didn’t want to really cooperate though. He only wanted to show one side of his head. So ladies you know what that meant? I had to get the wand. Definitely not pleasant, but the outcome was pleasant. The ventricles did not grow!!! One vent is still at 17mm and the other reduced to 16.8 mm. The doctor was extremely pleased. He was honest with us and said he expected it to go up because of the drastic change we saw in January. He also got a good look at the corpus callosum. With a ventricuolomegaly diagnosis the callosum is usually affected by the dilated ventricles, but Baby Carl’s corpus callosum is completely healthy!! So my doctor’s opinion is that his condition is stable. We still have to meet with the pediatric neurosurgeon but he is confident that she won’t recommend surgery!!! They will check his vent size one more time before delivery on March 22nd. We are going to keep praying for perfect health for Baby Carl. The vents didn’t grow and one showed a decrease so we are going to ask God for further decrease!! All things are declared in the name of Jesus!!!

I have no ultrasound pics for this post because they are on the other computer. So I will have a follow up post to this to show you our cute boy. John is particularly proud of one of the pics. You will see why, lol!

But in the meantime we thank all of you for the prayers and encouragement. And let’s keeping praying for Baby Carl!!


Love John, Aimee, and Baby Carl!!

Thoughts and emotions of a prego lady!

So yep, I am 31 weeks pregnant and I feel like I can't get any bigger. But I will, I know, but I don't want to know.

This blog is just going to be a bunch of random things; ranging from my own thoughts to what people have said, and so forth.

First, there is this interesting dichotomy taking place in my life right now. I am either really tiny, or I am huge. Here are the things I have heard from friends, family, and even strangers (if you are someone that has said something to me, please don't be offended as I am not. I am just musing).

• "Wow you are so tiny, when are you gonna get bigger.?"
• "Oh wow, you got really big." (this was followed by what seemed like nervous laughter)
• "You're gonna pop, are you sure you're not carrying twins?"
• "There is just one in there right?"
• "It looks like you've still got a ways to go[after finding out how far along I am]. He's gonna be a tiny little guy."
• "Are you eating enough, you seem small?" (courtesy of a complete stranger)
• "Your belly is so big, it's crazy!"

So pretty much I am either big or tiny. Is it possible to be both? Only in perceptions. As for me and how I feel. . . I FEEL HUGE!!! I feel I am carrying around a house (or I am a house). But I will be honest and say I love looking at pics of myself being pregnant. I feel like I am getting huge, but when I look at my pictures I see a big belly but that is it, I am all belly (in my opinion and few others anyways) if you don't agree, keep that to yourself, please.

Then there is the most amazing thing that is taking place right now. MOVEMENT!! Towards the end of the second trimester to now there is definite movement!! More movement then just flutters. There are kicks, punches, and possible head butts, lol! These are the emotions and thoughts I have had thus far.

• Awe
• Amazement
• Joy
• Tickled (actually tickled, there is one spot just under my ribs on the right side that just makes me giggle when he moves over there.)
• Pain (sometimes those punches and kicks come with a lot of force)
• Creeped out (yes, when I watch my stomach there are times I literally see him push really hard like he is trying to come out of my stomach. Have you seen Alien?)
• Amused
• Irritated (at times when he haves himself a little disco party in there, I would like to sleep, but he is already showing me we work on his time not my time)
• Worried (mostly this past week, his movement decreased for a little bit. Kick counts still good, but there wasn't alot of umph like there was before. So I became concerned, but now he seems back to normal. Another emotion he is just trying to have me realize will be prevalent for the rest of his life.)

Those are just some emotions I can identify. The whole experience to feel him move inside me makes me feel so close to him. There is this bond that just seems unbreakable and strong. Sometimes when he is not moving because he is sleeping I actually miss him. It's weird to explain.

Here are some other things that have gone through mind or have felt.

• I want to be the best I can be for him.
• Protective (because of my job and what I do, there have unfortunately been some threats made to my unborn child. Outwardly I stay calm and handle the situation like I am supposed to, but internally I am ready to pounce! LITERALLY)
• There are things that I thought were so important, that now are just trivial.
  

So that is it so far. I am sure I have left alot out but hey the mind of mother is constantly cycling and emotions are constantly strong. I just want to say I have had a few people that have told me they are sorry that I have had such a rough pregnancy, and I do appreciate that sympathy. However, it's okay. I wouldn't want a re-do. This is Carl and mine's journey. It's the beginning of our relationship and I wouldn't want it any either way. I love him and I am ready to be his mom. I wouldn't trade in the nausea, vomiting, symphysis pubis dysfunction, and even his diagnosis because it's all part of our journey together. I am so excited to meet my little guy, just need to wait nine more weeks!!!!

Thank you!!

This post is for all of you and all about you!!!

John and I feel so incredibly encouraged, supported, and loved!! We thank all of you for your prayers.

This week was definitely one of the slowest ever but it wasn't spent in agony or despair. We feel very assured that we did the right thing by sharing what is going on. Family, friends, and even strangers have said the most encouraging things.

I found a forum online at i-am-pregnant.com that caters specifically to parents who are or have been through this diagnosis. The stories have been uplifting and provides a support to me and John. No, we don't know of these people but it is comforting to know that we are not the only ones out there.

This past week has been a test of faith for us (and we know this journey will continue to be a test of faith) but I know now more than ever God is taking us through this for a reason. I was given a scripture this evening Ecclesiastes 7:14 (NIV) "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future."

God created good times and bad, and I know it's easy to be happy when things are good. I think we all find it easier to be happy when things are going right. But God did create the bad. Not as a punishment but to give us perspective. I don't know God's plan or understand His ways all the time. But I do know if He is bringing us to it, He will bring us through it.

Again we just want to say thank you. Family, friends, and strangers we do love you and appreciate the support.

Update on Baby Carl

Okay, so this email is an update on Baby Carl. John and I wanted to fill everyone in on what is going because we know how much he is already loved and right now he needs lots of love and prayer sent his way.

Back in November we had our gender ultrasound. During that time they thought his kidneys were a bit dilated and they were not able to get all the views of his heart like they wanted to. So our OB doctor referred us to NW Perinatal Center to do a follow up ultrasound. November 23rd was our first appointment. At this appointment they found his kidneys were fine and they conducted an eco on his heart, this too yielded a positive result (that being good, everything was fine). However they did find he had mild ventriculomegaly. Ventriculomegaly is a condition in which the ventricular system of the brain is enlarged. His measurements were at 15 mm. The doctor discussed our options including conducting an amnio so we could make the decision on termination. Of course that is not even an option for us! The doctor discussed that this abnormality could be caused by an infection, chromosomal abnormality like Downs, or be nothing. They drew my blood to see if there was an infection and there was not. So the doctor had us follow back up in seven weeks to re-measure the ventricles.

Our appointment was this past Monday January 11th. Unfortunately the ultrasound showed that the measurement increased to 17mm, now moving the diagnosis from mild to moderate ventriculomegaly. This is now eliminating the doctor’s option of this being nothing. At this appointment they discussed also that his kidneys are slightly dilated they are supposed to be at 6mm, and they are measuring at 7mm. He isn’t too worried about the kidneys but they are going to keep an eye on that now too. They are not too worried about it being a chromosomal abnormality; there is only a 5% chance of that being the issue. We can do an amnio in March or he can be tested for that after he is born. We have a follow up on February 22nd. That might seem far away and you might be wondering why we are not getting seen more often. The fact is though, there is nothing they can do inutero. In addition to our follow up in February they have referred us to Dr. Monica Wehby a Pediatric Neurosurgeon. She will look at the images and discuss with us what Baby Carl might need done after he is born. Our doctor through NW Perinatal talked a bit with us that he might need a shunt to drain the fluid after he is born. (At the end of this you will find a hyperlink to an article on ventriculomegaly in case you want to read on it).

As you can imagine this is very scary for us because there is still so much that we don’t know yet. There are many emotions that we are cycling through. Despite the emotions and any crazy thoughts that might go through our head we are leaning on God in this. We are remembering God’s promise in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Even in this crisis we are going through God has a plan for me, John, and even Baby Carl. God knows Carl more than we do and He is still forming and creating him. Through this whole experience God keeps whispering in my soul, “I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End.” God is the final authority and we need to trust in Him.

We are asking everyone to pray for complete health for Carl. We believe in miracles and we believe God is greater than medical technology. In addition could you please pray for me and John that during this time we stay connected and lean on God? Let us not lean on our own understanding and trust the Lord throughout all of this. (Proverbs 3:5)

We love all of you so much and we thank you for the support.

Here is an article from the Children's Hospital in Boston. Ventriculomegaly

Last post of the year, a blog of reflection!

Wow-wee!! Sorry guys its been over a month since my last blog. Let me be honest, I just haven't wanted to. It's not that there is nothing to talk about it's just another thing I put on my things to do and frankly that list is just super long.

Alot has been going on for us the last month. Lots of evaluating and decision making has happened. I'm telling you having a baby changes everything. And that is everything. Not just finances, and social life. But how you view life and you evaluate all your relationships. And it is also a new year soon, and with an end of a year there is evaluation. I think I just got an overload (which I needed).

So honestly there has been a lot of "a-ha" moments for me. It's been empowering but also saddening at the same time. I can honestly say I don't think I have cried this much in such a short amount of time ever. Even in my childhood. I have been scared, excited, disappointed, heartbroken, and empowered all within a span of a month.

Being scared and excited are emotions that I feel together. In just a few short months I am going to be a mother!! Like my friend said I already am a mom, but in a few short months he will be out of my womb and in my arms!!! That excites me but there is definite anticipation and nervousness. I am not scared to be a mom but I am scared of the process. Yes I am scared of labor. I am scared that I am going to chicken out. Even if I do it doesn't matter. It's a natural process. When the baby is ready to come out it's going to come out. But it's the pain aspect. I am not one that shies away from pain and I have been in some serious physical pain in my life. But this is going to be different. Obviously. I heard this is normal and it will be an up and down emotion for me. Thank God I have such supportive people in my life!!

Disappointment and heartbreak has come together for me too. This disappointment and heartbreak has also empowered me though to set boundaries and has enabled me to walk away. The pain of broken relationships has come to the forefront in the past couple of months but just within the last couple days I have realized I can break the cycle and no longer put myself in that path. Shockingly I realized I brought the pain on myself because I had expectations that I knew would never be met. People in our lives represent who they are and when they show consistently who they are it is unfair to expect change or demand change. However, I can change how I am. And I am choosing to do better for myself and set a better example for my son. It's okay to love and care for people but we don't have to put our own emotional health in harms way to love people.

As you know this is the end of the year and a New Year is right upon us (30 minutes for me) and I am blessed to have gone through what I have the past month. I have realized my value as a person and what I want for the future. In the past I have known what I need to do, but now I am empowered to take action. Like I told a friend tonight I have closed a book in my life, not a chapter but a book. This book should have ended along time ago but I made the choice to leave it open and try to write more chapters. And it is clear to see the chapters were unnecessary and I was just dragging it on and on. I didn't want to let go. Have you ever read a book or watched a movie that dragged on too long? My book should have ended five chapters ago. So now it has there is an end. And while I am sad and its going to be hard not to pick it up again I feel at peace. God has been trying to show me for so long and I didn't follow.

John made a big change just within the past week also. He made the decision to close the business. He worked long and hard but the closing doesn't bring us loss. It brought lessons, maturity, and growth. John has a new perspective and was grateful for the experience having his own business brought him. I am super proud of him, as I know all of you are.

So there is my last post for the year. I wish you all an amazing 2010!!! And let's pray for Baby Carl who is already a promised blessing for 2010!!! Thank you all for your support!!! Remember put God first and all other things will fall in place!


Here is a belly update, yes I am gettin big! LOL! (taken last week @ 25 weeks)

20 weeks and counting!!!

Updating just to update! LOL! Today marks 20 weeks!! Now for those of you that might be tracking this closely and has kept up to date on the due date, you might be wondering why I am posting today. That is because they moved my due date from the 9th to the 7th. I didn't find it to be that big of a deal, but the Dr. said the ultrasound gives the most accurate due date. So it has been changed. Does it really matter? No. The baby will most likely not come on that day, after all only 5% of expectant mothers give birth on there actual due date.



So there have been questions on his name. We have no problem sharing this because I am not worried of anyone stealing it, and I know everyone will be nice. Even if you don't like the name you will be nice because that is the socially appropriate thing to do. So anyway his name is:

John Carl Driskill IV

That's right, he will be the fourth!!! So now you are thinking are we going to call him John? Perhaps John Junior? Or perhaps will use initials? All of these thoughts will be incorrect. Not going to call him John, because John is John or to his family he is JC. Which means we are not using initials either, mainly because John doesn't like initials. And John Junior is just too much. So what name will we say everyday for the rest of his life, or until he tells us otherwise?

Carl

John's grandfather, the original John Carl Driskill, went by Carl. He unfortunately never got the opportunity to meet his grandfather. But his aunt created this amazing book that goes over the genealogy of his family. With that comes pictures, I like old black and white pictures. There is a picture (a few actually) of his grandfather and he seemed like a wise, confident, intelligent man. And I think it would be nice to have the name Carl back in the family. Anyway the point I am making is the name Carl is good name that isn't used too much anymore. It's a strong name. It also means strong one. And in my personal opinion I don't think they are talking neccesarily about physical strength. I think they are talking about character. So anyway that is what our little boy's name!!